The Dabney House Purity Test

from CalTech

DEFINITIONS:

"had sex" means sexual intercourse (unless you're gay); "made out" means everything but.
[Ed. note: The seven "houses" of CalTech are the primary subdivision of the school. Substitute dorm, college, etc. as seems appropriate to your school.]

Check all boxes for which your answer is "yes"
The "submit" button is at the bottom.

Have you:
  1. kissed someone?
  2. made out without clothes?
  3. masturbated?
  4. masturbated with a foreign object?
  5. had sexual intercourse?
  6. had sex in bondage?
  7. been walked in on?
  8. been walked in on and not cared?
  9. had someone watch?
  10. watched others have sex?
  11. had sex with more than one person at a time?
  12. had sex with four or more?
  13. had sex on your parents' bed?
  14. had sex outdoors?
  15. had sex in a public place?
  16. had sex in direct public view?
  17. had sex in all seven houses?
  18. had sex with both a man and a woman (at different times)?
  19. had sex with both a man and a woman at once?
  20. had sex with a married person (not to you)?
  21. had sex with a married couple?
  22. had sex with chocolate sauce, honey, or other appropriate substance?
  23. had sex on a waterbed?
  24. had sex in a boat?
  25. had sex on a plane?
  26. had sex in the water?
  27. had sex with 3 or more in one night?
  28. had sex with 3 or more in one night without them knowing about eachother?
  29. had sex in a hallway or lounge of a student house?
  30. had sex while on pot or alcohol?
  31. had sex while on hallucinogens?
  32. had sex with someone over 35 (double if over 50)?
  33. had sex with someone under 16?
  34. had sex with a virgin?
  35. had sex without contraceptives?
  36. had sex and thrown away the condom at the last minute?
  37. had sex while driving (double for not crashing)?
  38. performed fellatio/cunnilingus?
  39. had above done to you?
  40. had anal sex?
  41. masturbated with someone watching?
  42. come while reading pornography?
  43. come while watching pornography?
  44. had sex with S/M?
  45. had sex sitting?
  46. had sex standing?
  47. had sex in a position randomly chosen from the Kama Sutra?
  48. had sex at work?
  49. had sex with your teacher (TA's don't count)?
  50. had sex with a relative?
  51. had sex with someone in the immediate family?
  52. had sex on the Atheneum lawn [The Athenaeum is CalTech's faculty club, and occupies a central location with plush lawns and *some* shrubbery.]?
  53. had sex in an elevator?
  54. had sex with a celebrity?
  55. seduced someone?
  56. seduced someone in a large crowd of people without anyone knowing?
  57. had sex in a large crowd of people without anyone knowing?
  58. seduced someone without speaking or writing to them?
  59. caused someone who was straight or gay to become bisexual?
  60. had pictures taken while making out?
  61. had these pictures published?
  62. had a spanish fly party?
  63. had sex in a church?
  64. MADE your fantasy come true?
  65. seduced the mailman, milkman, deliveryman, maid, etc.?
  66. had sex at a movie (double if ASCIT or Cinematech [i.e. on-campus])?
  67. had sex with your parents home and not knowing?
  68. been turned on by a cat purring in your lap?
  69. ??
  70. made out at a dance?
  71. had sex at a dance?
  72. masturbated in public?
  73. had sex the first time you met someone?
  74. picked up a stranger?
  75. come during a timed midterm or final [Ed. note: CalTech has lots of timed take-home exams. If you didn't, then you just missed out, didn't you?]?
  76. come while dreaming?
  77. bought "sexual aids" (vibrators, etc.)?
  78. used sexual aids?
  79. had sex in a classroom?
  80. teased someone successfully for more than an hour?
  81. had sex for more than 1 hour continuously (without breaks)?
  82. five hours??
  83. done a striptease?
  84. seen a striptease at a public establishment?
  85. been paid for sex?
  86. had sex with more than one member of the same family (not yours)?
  87. had sex with more than one member of a family at the same time?
  88. "dry humped" (had sex with clothes on)?
  89. used an animal to make you come?
  90. had sex with one of your parents' dates (or vice versa)?
  91. gone to a hotel just to have sex?
  92. had sex with someone who doesn't speak your language?
  93. placed or answered an ad in the free press?
  94. had sex on 3 or more rooftops around campus?
  95. had sex with a house president (past or present) [or equivalent]?
  96. had sex with more than one house president at once?
  97. had sex in the snow?
  98. watched a gay couple have sex?
  99. kissed someone in every orifice?
  100. had sex on the astral or ethereal planes (for Stuart)?

That's the test. If you score isn't low enough, maybe you should start going to CalTech. :)